This Community Voices column is written by April F. Draine, a parent of three kids who shares stories, advice and tips for those trying to raise responsible humans. Email her at aprildraine@gmail.com.
The year was 2003 and the Disney favorite Finding Nemo took many kids by storm, including my then-tenacious 2-year-old.
When it was officially released to VHS tape, she’d already discovered how to fully operate our DVD-VHS Combo, and without fail, we would find that tape in her hands, ready to watch it on repeat. An hour and a half would go by with quoting her favorite lines, especially Dory’s infamous, “Just Keep Swimming!”
Non-stop. To the point of nauseum.
This was her daily ritual … until one day it wasn’t.
The cassette ribbon became stuck inside the VHS player, and needless to say, we had to break the news to her that her well-loved – and completely worn out – tape was no more. (Honestly, we welcomed the break…at least until the next day when she cried and bellowed, “I WANT NEMO!” Oh the toddler tantrums we survived!)
Fast forward to her tween and teenage years, and Dory’s chant of “Just Keep Swimming” – unknowingly – became a silent encouragement in parenting her and her younger siblings. Those three words gave my heart needed courage, as we steered through similar questions Nemo gave his father. The questions, seeking clarity, as she boldly grew in discovery of her autonomy as a growing young adult before her father’s and my eyes.
“Why can’t I start dating now?” “Why can’t I wear what they’re wearing?” “Why can’t I stay out as long as my friends?” Or the one question that caused me to pause: “Mama, when you were my age, did you ever do anything that made you embarrassed or ashamed of yourself?”
How do we “just keep swimming” while simultaneously helping our children navigate their layered questions and ever changing world?
Nemo’s Dad, Marlin, struggled with the thought of releasing Nemo to the big ocean, beyond their trusted home. My fears, like many of you, were, How much do I share from my own teenage moments? Will my children respect me after giving a glimpse into some of my not-so-well-thought-out decisions and the consequences that resulted? The deeper question became: Is protecting my image and reputation in their eyes more important than watching them go to lesser sources for life’s truth and understanding?
Because the truth is, sometimes our own personal fears – like that of Marlin – can be the wedge that keeps us from fully connecting with our children…that is, if we want to grow with them.
When we don’t empower and educate our children, or give space to have uncomfortable conversations, curiosity can sometimes pull them to peers who may not have lived experience to help them navigate the toughest ‘currents’ of life.
It took several trusted mentors, plenty of lessons learned with each child, and my personal faith journey to offer this: Speaking truth to our children in an age-appropriate way gives room to build trust and stronger bonds.
At times, we may feel like our efforts, fears, or lack of knowledge separates us from our children. But, just like Marlin used Dory’s “Just Keep Swimming” reminder as his motivation in finding Nemo in the vast ocean he’d gotten swept away in, I encourage you to find your mantra, your motivation, your reason.
Our children may not always fully understand the dangers that life has in it, but knowing they have a parent who’s willing to keep trying, keep striving, and keep loving them through the challenges- fears and all -they get to learn and grow with us…and us with them.
So, here’s to swimming.
Here’s to growing!
Life’s ocean has room for both 😊
If you have an idea for a Community Voices column, email Meghan Goth at mgoth@linknky.com.
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